Livestrong Weekend - Day 1

So, it's almost the end of Day 1 of my 3-day Livestrong Weekend here in Austin. I've had the pleasure of spending some time with Henrike the past couple days. She's staying in our room with us at the Embassy Suites. When she arrived in San Antonio, she had a few gifts for me...German chocolate in the shape of a bicycle, a coffee mug with a picture of Lance from last year's ride, and best of all a rubber bracelet replicating the "Top Climber" polka dot jersey from the Tour de France (which she said was to inspire me on the hills). This bracelet is now on my wrist right next to my Livestrong one!

After we got to Austin and checked into the hotel, Mom, Ryan and I took a trip up to Ikea in Round Rock, and then we drove back into town to go pick up my registration packet and walk around Livestrong Village. I picked up a ton of free stuff and spent a lot of money, but I love every single thing I bought, including a new Unite jersey and t-shirt, which I will wear proudly in support of the LAF and the Livestrong Army. I was amazed to see all the people there wearing yellow and getting ready for this incredible weekend. Tomorrow, my husband is running my spot in the 5K, and I will be volunteering as a cheer marshal on the route.

I'm still nervous. I'm still terrified. I'm still worried. And I'm still in big trouble regarding Sunday. I expressed these concerns in a recent message to my best friend...telling her I was nervous.

She wrote back: Don't be nervous about Austin. Look at all you've done the last few years? You got clean, you are figuring out life, you started a family, you moved away from all your friends and learned to stand on your own two feet and attempt to lean on your husband for support. Now, if you can do all that? You can make it up that hill!!! Just don't over do it, and stick with your bike buddy! And Yes, I will KICK YOUR ASS if you don't make it. I mean on the right hand... "Make it up the hill".... On the left hand 'Robin Beats my ass"..... is there really a debate here? LOL You're a strong woman w/ motivation and determination.... You can do this!!!

I responded: See...THAT is why i love you...I keep thinking that I'm doing this for other people, for cancer, for whatever...but you reminded me that I'm doing it for myself too...in spite of everything I've been through I'm still standing, and I'm stronger. I have nerves and doubts and worries and fears like everyone else, but I have determination...and a best friend standing over my shoulder (like the devil/angel) telling me she's going to kick my ass if I don't keep moving.

That reminded me...twice this morning (once after my shower and once in the car on the way to Austin) I heard this song by Rodney Atkins called "If You're Going Through Hell". It's no coincidence that I heard that song so many times today, right as I'm having a crisis of faith and confidence. If you're not familiar with the song, my favorite parts are:

Well I've been deep down in that darkness
I've been down to my last match
Felt a hundred different demons
Breathing fire down my back
And I knew that if I stumbled
I'd fall right into the trap that they were laying, Yeah

But the good news
Is there's angels everywhere out on the street
Holding out a hand to pull you back upon your feet
The one's that you've been dragging for so long
You're on your knees
You might as well be prayin'

Guess what I'm saying
If you're going through hell
Keep on going, Don't slow down
If you're scared, don't show it
You might get out
Before the devil even knows you're there

Yeah, If you're going through hell
Keep on moving, Face that fire
Walk right through it
You might get out
Before the devil even knows you're there

This song instilled a vision in me of crossing the finish line exhausted, in pain, barely able to move...but still THERE. All I can do this weekend is enjoy this experience, cheer on the runners tomorrow, take care of my body so it's prepared for the physical strain, and continue to remind myself of WHY I chose to put myself through this test in the first place. We all know. It's the same for all of us. Good luck tomorrow morning to all the runners/walkers. I will be somewhere on the route cheering you on!